


The Lasting Effects of One Moment

by koo_nfused



Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Grief/Mourning, Light Angst, M/M, Mentioned suicide, Time Skips, side ships namjin and sope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-01 09:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20812967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koo_nfused/pseuds/koo_nfused
Summary: Jungkook was so happy. It was just like he had imagined when he was younger. The universe had given him his place in the world. Everything was right.Until it wasn’t.-Jungkook had just started to find his life worth living, when one single thing broke it all.





	The Lasting Effects of One Moment

**Author's Note:**

> okay so I don't know if I'm doing this stuff right and I wrote this at like 10pm while drinking coffee and listening to sad music so please excuse me if this is crappy and also just like ignore the typos and stuff thank youuu

Jungkook stood at the edge of the building, looking down at the city below him. Once upon a time, he had dreamed of standing at the top of a building and looking out at the lights of the city in the night. When he was young, those lights had represented his future. He was so happy that he had the chance to do it. Staring out at the tiny pinpricks of light, Jungkook finally felt that he was at peace. 

~~~

The world was rarely a nice place for Jeon Jungkook. There was a faint memory, of light, of happiness. He knew he had been happy once. Sometime in his early childhood, he had been carefree and light-hearted, finding joy in the simplest things. But that was so long ago and trying to remember the feeling of blissfulness was difficult. Now, he was nothing but broken.

Almost everything in his life brought sadness to him. For instance, his family. The rest of the Jeon family was not close with Jungkook. His parents didn’t love him as much as they did his older brother. At first, he had attempted to make them notice his efforts. From simple things like cleaning the house, to things like overworking himself and studying all night in order to get good grades in school. No one ever cared, and soon, giving up was the only option left.

Although he wished that they would love him as well, he never said anything. He kept silent. He had kept to himself, locked away in his room. Sometimes, the sounds of laughter and happy chatter drifted to his room. When that happened, Jungkook saw the happy family that the Jeons could be without him. Slowly, he began to drift away from them.

School wasn’t great for him either. He didn’t have any real friends. Of course, Jungkook always tried. He tried so hard to fit in and be liked by everyone. Not only with the kids, but with the teachers as well. He gave his lunch and homework to the popular kids, tried to be loud and cheerful like everyone else, tagged along to play whatever they were playing. But they always spoke about him behind his back, saying that he was annoying and that no one liked him. Try-hard, nerd, nag. They were only using him. Jungkook tried to convince himself that it wasn’t true, that they were all just rumours spread around by a couple of people, but deep down, he knew the truth. At the end of the day, Jungkook was always alone. He didn’t fit in anywhere. He had nobody. 

Some days, he felt trapped, as if the world he lived in was just a huge prison. Always confined to the small town, making his way back and forth between his school and his house. Days were endless cycles of study and sleep. Nothing ever changed. He was stuck. There was more to this world than school and study, he knew that. When he looked out of his bedroom window at night, he could see the distant lights of the city on the horizon. It was almost like the universe was playing a trick, taunting him. Letting him see a world of freedom so close to him, but not allowing him to get there. It nearly broke him. Nearly. Somehow, Jungkook always managed to find strength to keep living. He held onto the sight of the city lights, reminding himself that he would go out there one day. He held on.

‘It’s alright,’ he would tell himself. ‘One day, you will go out into the world, and you will find love and happiness.'

When Jungkook received his acceptance letter to one of the top universities in the country, he was overjoyed. The campus was located in the city, and he would be living there during the years that were spent studying. That was the beginning of a new life in the world he had always wanted to live in. Kneeling in his bedroom, he had sobbed tears of joy that day. At last, he could leave the world that had become a prison. Of course, his parents were ecstatic too. They were proud of him for once. They finally had something to brag to their friends about and take the credit. The fact that he would also be out of the house and far, far away probably excited them too. Jungkook let them be.

University life was a fresh start. New people, new surroundings, a new Jungkook. It was a chance to restart his life with more knowledge and experience. The classes weren’t too difficult and he could easily keep up. People accepted each other, and he made many new friends there with a few of them being especially close.

There was Jimin the hug fairy who was Jungkook’s ultimate best friend, Yugyeom the innocent young one and Bambam the wild and high one. He’d also gotten close with Jimin’s cousin Hobi and his boyfriend Yoongi. There was also Seokjin, the owner of a well known restaurant, and his husband Namjoon. Together, they managed to come up with the strangest plans and ideas, and were never bored. This group of people made Jungkook feel loved and accepted, and he loved them all.

The best part of his life, however, was his soulmate Kim Taehyung. To Jungkook, Taehyung was the definition of perfect. Godly looks, kind, smarts, a little bit of weird. And when he sang, Jungkook felt like he had already arrived at the gates of heaven. Taehyung could make him calm and quiet, or he could hype him up and energise him. He understood Jungkook like no one else did, and they fit together like two pieces of a puzzle.

They had met one night when Jungkook had gone out for a midnight walk, heading to his favourite place, the lookout spot on a small mountain. It was where he often went to bring himself back to the times when he dreamed of going out into the city, as the lookout spot provided a clear view of the city and all its lights. He always felt calm there.

On that one night in particular, Taehyung also happened to be at the lookout spot.

“Um, hey.” Jungkook had stuttered, his nerves taking over him. Even in the dim lighting of the lamp post, it was clear that this boy in front of him was breathtaking. 

“Hey.” Taehyung had replied, with a gentle smile that almost sent Jungkook sprinting back down the mountain. But for some reason, a small part of him had held him back, telling him to stay a little longer.

So they had stood there, looking out at the night together. Soon, they were deep in conversation, asking each other questions and talking for hours. Jungkook learned a lot about the other boy in that one night.

Kim Taehyung, age 23, art major, likes video games, doesn’t like spicy food, has a dog. Jungkook also told Taehyung about himself. He found that they agreed on many topics and had a lot of things in common. The two of them had nearly identical thoughts and ideas, and almost the same sense of humour. This boy that he had known for less than a day knew him better than his other friends did. By the time they parted ways later on, Jungkook had decided that he wanted to see Taehyung again.

Most nights after that, Jungkook rushed to the lookout spot, hoping that Taehyung would be there again. And he always was. They talked for hours, slowly opening up about their secrets, their worries and their fears. Jungkook felt happy with Taehyung. And when he looked into Taehyung’s eyes, he found the home he never had.

Soon after, Jungkook had asked Taehyung to be his boyfriend. He still remembered every detail about that moment. Taehyung’s grey hoodie and black jeans, how his hair looked so fluffy, how his eyes shone even in the dark, the lights of the city shining behind him. Jungkook remembered how he had panicked for a solid 30 minutes before their meeting about how he was going to ask the question and how he had planned four different speeches describing what Taehyung meant to him. But when Taehyung was finally standing in front of him, he had just blurted out, “Taehyung I love you and willyoubemyboyfriend?” 

That must have been enough, because Taehyung’s face had lit up, and he jumped straight into Jungkook’s arms with a stream of “yes yes yes yes yep sure I’d love to yep definitely.”

After that, Taehyung had joined Jungkook’s friend group. At first, there was a lot of eyebrow wiggling, smirks and ‘ooohh, Jungkook has a boyyyfriendddd’, but it wasn’t long before Taehyung was pulled into their sleepovers and weird group chats. Taehyung fit right in.

As soon as their lectures were over, they’d go to new places where they always managed to find something interesting and incredibly concerning to do. Sometimes, they’d just pick one person’s house to go to and sleep. Most nights, Jungkook would go off with Taehyung to their regular meeting spot at the lookout, where he could stare at the two most beautiful things to him for as long as he wanted.

Jungkook was so happy. It was just like he had imagined when he was younger. The universe had given him his place in the world. Everything was right.

Until it wasn’t.

One moment in his life had unravelled everything he had tried to stitch together. One day in Jungkook’s second year of university, Taehyung had asked him to meet up at their spot. Jungkook had practically sprinted all the way in order to see his beloved. But when he got there, the look in Taehyung’s eyes made him freeze. His eyes held so much sadness and pain, and Jungkook just wanted to pull him in a hug and tell him everything was alright. Except it obviously wasn’t. So he didn’t move.

“Kook.” Taehyung began.

And all of a sudden, Jungkook was afraid.

“T-Tae.”

“Kook,” Taehyung continued. “Thank you for the best 16 months of my life. Thank you for always being there for me, and understanding me in a way that no one else could. Thank you for making me happy. I love you, and I will always will.”

Jungkook was still frozen.

“But…I have to end this, Jungkook. I have to leave.” Taehyung whispered.

Those last four words brought Jungkook back.

“N-No,” he stammered. “No, Tae. Why? No. You don’t have to leave. Tell me. Tell me what’s wrong. I can fix it. I’ll fix it. We can--,”

“Kook.” Taehyung cut him off. “You can’t fix this. This isn’t your fault. You don’t understand.”

“Then tell me!” Jungkook cried. “Help me understand and let me help you!”

“No, Kook. I have to go.”

Tears welled up in Jungkook’s eyes. He shook his head, grabbing onto Taehyung’s sleeve.

“No!” he yelled. “Don’t leave me. DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE ME.”

“I’m sorry, Jungkook. You have to let me go.”

Jungkook’s vision blurred. He felt Taehyung kiss his forehead one last time. And then…

Taehyung was gone.

Jungkook stood there, lost in time and space. He felt numb and empty, as if someone had just taken away a part of him. There was an ache in his chest, like there was only a huge gaping hole in the place where his heart should be. He wanted to cry, and scream at the stars. This couldn’t be happening. Everything had been going so well, his entire life had seemed to have meaning. It couldn’t have been snatched from him so suddenly. Nothing would be so cruel as to do that.

He didn’t know how he got back to his apartment. The world was tuned out of his mind, everything looked like a blur. Nothing in the world meant anything. He was vaguely aware of voices, but he didn’t know whether they were talking to him. He didn’t really care, either.

Curled up in his bed, Taehyung’s words replayed over and over again in his head.

_I have to end this._

_I have to leave._

_Let me go._

Sometimes, he teared up. Sometimes, there was no emotion at all, just emptiness. But the ache in his chest was always there, pressing down on him and refusing to go away.  
Eventually, Jungkook came to be aware of his surroundings. He was not in his apartment anymore, but in Seokjin’s. He was sitting on a bed, leaning on the wall with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. There was a window next to him, overlooking the streets and people. Looking around slowly, he noticed his friends sitting on the couch, doing their own thing. 

There were only five of them.

Jungkook closed his eyes, before any of them looked up and saw the tears threatening to spill out.

When he opened them again, he saw Jimin kneeling beside him.

“Jungkook?” he asked tentatively. “You’re awake.”

Jungkook stared blankly.

“Kookie, please eat something. You haven’t eaten in five days.” 

The others had also made their way over to him, all of them wearing worried expressions.

He wished Taehyung was there too.

“Taehyung.” He whispered.

“Oh, Jungkook.” Seokjin mumbled, wrapping his arms around the boy and holding him. The strings holding everything together inside him snapped, and Jungkook collapsed into his hyung’s arms, tears flowing as he sobbed uncontrollably. He broke down, letting the waves of pain wash over him again and again. 

Jungkook stopped attending classes. Stopped going out. Stopped talking. He shut everyone out, including his friends. He stopped living. Everyday, he lay on his bed, staring at the door and hoping that Taehyung would come running in. Jungkook could see him flopping down on the bed and telling him every detail of his day with that boxy smile of his. But it didn’t happen. The door remained closed, and Taehyung didn’t come running in.

His friends kept trying to talk to him. Everyone continued to make efforts to get him to go outside, to start living again. Taehyung had completely disappeared, leaving no trace at all, and they tried to help Jungkook understand that. Jungkook either didn’t hear or didn’t listen. 

He had lost his whole world, his happiness. Taehyung had taken everything with him when he left. Eventually, his friends stopped trying as well and left him alone, only visiting him once in a while to bring him food. Once again, Jungkook was all alone in the world.

Since he never attended classes, his grades started slipping. Soon, he was failing everything. His parents were notified, and they sent him many messages and voicemails screaming at him to ‘stop being a disappointment and be grateful that he got this opportunity and make good use of it’. And when he didn’t reply to any of the messages and calls, they personally came to visit him.

“HOW DARE YOU WASTE ALL MY EFFORTS LIKE THIS!” his mother had screamed. She had screamed some more, putting in as many insults as she could into her words. His father was also outraged. He had thrown things, and hit Jungkook many times. 

As always, Jungkook took it in silence. To be honest, none of it really bothered him. He was already in a state of the greatest pain he’d ever felt. Nothing would be worse than what he was going through already.

When they finally left, Jungkook collapsed onto his bed, staining the bed sheets red with his blood. His body felt so heavy, and it hurt every time he moved. But he liked it. The physical pain mad him feel somewhat alive. It reminded him that he was still in existence. 

Another month passed. All memories of Taehyung, they remained just that. Only memories. Jungkook couldn’t figure out whether Taehyung had been real, or if he had just been a character from his imagination. The only thing that felt real in his life was the pain.

At last, Jungkook decided that he wanted to do something. Anything would suffice. As long as he had something to do. He wanted to see the city lights again. Not from the lookout spot, though. That would hurt too much. He needed something different, needed to find another place.

A few minutes later, Jungkook was out of his apartment for the first time in a while. The darkness of the night enveloped him, and he felt safe as he walked the streets of the city. After a while, he found himself standing in front of a tall building. Without a second thought, he strode through the doors and into the building.

There was a small lobby, but there was not a single person to be seen. It made things a lot easier for Jungkook. He quickly stepped inside the elevator, and pressed the button that would take him to the very top of the building, level 78. 

As soon as he arrived, he was searching for a door to the rooftop access, sighing triumphantly when he found it. Without hesitation, he kicked the door open and took the few steps up to the rooftop.

The view was stunning. The city lights that he had loved so much welcomed him now. As he stood there, he remembered just how much those lights had meant to him. They had represented freedom, a sign of a new world that he had believed held the things that would bring happiness to him. He had been right. For a while, he had been happy and his life was worth living. Many things were beautiful in his eyes, even if they were small. Things like how the sun shone down onto the grass. How the leaves turned orange and drifted down to the ground in autumn. How the stars shone bright against the darkness of the sky. His friends: Jimin, Bambam, Yugyeom, Yoongi, Hobi, Namjoon, Seokjin. 

And Taehyung.

But now, Jungkook couldn’t find beauty in anything. Even the lights of the city below him didn’t bring hope and strength like they used to. If that couldn’t help him, Jungkook would never be able to find anything to hold on to again.

And so he made his decision.

~~~

Jungkook stood at the edge of the building, looking down at the city below him. Once upon a time, he had dreamed of standing at the top of a building and looking out at the lights of the city in the night. When he was young, those lights had represented his future. He was so happy that he had the chance to do it. Staring out at the tiny pinpricks of light, Jungkook finally felt that he was at peace. 

Closing his eyes, he smiled.

And then he jumped.


End file.
